Wow. Im 25. I cant believe it. Thank you Lord for making me live on this Earth for 25 years!
So far, in my life of 25 years, here are some realizations Ive gotten (or not have gotten ) out of life.
1. I still havent found the meaning of life. By far, all ive got is this:.... crickets.
Maybe it doesnt matter. Maybe thinking too much over it may be losing me time to really figure it out. Maybe all that matters is I live at the moment and exhaust its value in the best way I know possible and perhaps eventually, I will know the answer. Who knows.
2. I still havent found the secret to happiness. I still dont believe its a choice. How can you choose to be happy? It doesnt make sense to me. Like, if a loved on dies, can you choose to be happy? If your hormones are fluctuating and you have some sort of biochemical imbalance in your brain which causes you to be depressed, can you choose to be happy? If misfortune strikes, can you choose to be happy? Emotions i believe are involuntary impulses which react and vary depending on the stimuli. I mean, if we can choose to be happy, why in the world are there people who commit suicide? Why are there people who are clinically depressed? Why is there so much unhappiness and discontent everywhere all around the world?
I may not have found the ultimate secret to happiness but I think I have an idea of it. Its still vague though.Its another topic which requires another blog entry.
All I am certain of right now is that what really really makes me happy is my family. To me, knowing that everyone in my family is in good condition, happy and ALIVE is enough to make me happy even in the worst of days. Everything can go and I'll manage as long as I have them with me. I thank God EVERYDAY for them. I am not a religious person and I have my qualms about my faith but in any case, whether there is a God (which Id like to believe there is) or not, how can I not be grateful for such a family? Yes I despise them sometimes... many times actually, but despite that, I love my parents and brothers with all my heart. Special mention to my mother who is my bestfriend, my ally, my confidant and so much more.
Second are my small but very tight circle of friends. Good Lord, what do I do without them. They are pieces of my soul and when I am in their company, I find my true self over and over again. :)
Third thing that makes me happy is music. Sometimes when Im enraptured by it, I find myself asking, how can there not be a God who has made it possible for humans to experience such beauty? Ok, i know it sounds kind of OA...but really. I am just awed. Which is why so much of my time is devoted it. I am just thankful for that I had the opportunity to learn and cultivate this gift and Im thankful that I am still continuing to do so. Thankful for my mom whos supported me ever since the day I asked if I could have piano lessons. She was also the one who signed me up for glee club back in grades 4, when I really just wanted to join the Needle and Thread club and se and prick needles on my fingers.
Im Thankful for my music teachers. Special mentioin to Maam Quinto, Teacher Princess, Ms Roman, Tita Paz, Ate Bunny and Lola Sally. Im thankful for Ryan Cayabyab, Julie Andrews, Lea Salonga, Cecile Licad, Leonard Bernstein, Sinatra, Buble, Chopin, Debussy, Brahms, Beethoven, John Williams, Alan Menken, Beatles, Abba, Michael Jackson, and all of my other idols for making the soundtrack of my 25 years. And of course,Im thankful for Sir Mark Carpio and Madz. They are the current soundtrack of my life now. What an honor.
Finally, the last thing that really makes me happy is....good food. I dont think Im an emotional eater. I just really become happy when I eat really really good and tasty food. Its so fun to indulge in them without feeling guilty.Teeheeeeee...
3. What else have I not figured out in may life? I dont understand why SM is ruthlessly destroying our environment and continuing to add ghastly sights of high rise concrete buildings everywhere. Its all about the money...What about nature? "What about us?", ika nga ni Michael Jackson.
I dont understand why Magnum is such a craze nowadays. I dont understand why they allowed a transvestite to enter Ms. Universe. It should be for natural born women. Imagine how gays would feel if real women entered their pageants? No offense to transvestites, but they belong to a different category. And its not bad to be in a different category. Anyway, im rambling. I just feel that Ms. Universe will lose its integrity if that happens.
I dont know if time travel or time warp is really possible...though they say that if you travel at the speed of light, you can go to the future or something like that. i dont know if we have only this universe or if there are other parallel universes out there or if there are infinite universes out there as some theorists say. I dont know if heaven really exists... or if satan is a being or an energy. Or if we retain our consciousness even after we've passed away. Is our consciousness energy? Where does it come from?
There are many things I do not understand still, in my 25 years and I have yet to discover SO MUCH. So much.
But if theres one thing I really understand, its the Desiderata by Maxx Erhmann. I think all you really need to know in life is encapsulated in this enlightening piece.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
The clock has struck 12. Its my birthday and Im 25. Happy birthday to me. :)
