I was browsing through yahoo the other day and I stumbled upon an interesting article about the top 5 happiest countries in the world. I observed, the common factors that these countries possess were
1. the citizens trust their government
2. quality education for everyone
3. Low business start ups.
Of course while reading this, one cannot help but compare my own depressing country to other happy countries. I realized, none of these factors are present in the Philippines. We don't trust our government (thats obvious enough), theres quality education only for the privileged few and with prevailing poverty and low economy, its difficult to start businesses, ergo less job opportunities which lead to more poverty (and population increase).
Last Christmas, I was talking to my aunt Marilyn about Denmark, the country which ranked no.2 as the happiest. She settled there ever since she got married to a Danish ambassador. She told me that even plumbers, technicians, and other blue collar jobs were lucrative enough to sustain a whole family, buy a house, cars and everything a family would want and need. Going to college isn't really necessary for them to earn a good living. Here, jobs like those won't even be enough to sustain oneself. Sure, maybe for preservative food, but what about shelter? What about security? What about health? What about good clothes, proper sanitation, comfortable lifestyle, leisure and all those in Maslow's heirarchy of needs? Even those who have finished college struggle to look for sustaining jobs.
I wonder, is there really any hope for our country? Maybe our country is just a disaster waiting to happen. Sometimes I feel like this country is dying and vultures are flying around it, waiting for it to die so it can feed on the corpse. I mean, look around you, everywhere is marked by poverty. The other day, I happened to watch Willing Willie and I was just so struck with pity for the contestants there. A lady had to sell her only kutchon for 500 pesos so that she could go to the show and gamble her luck. Grabe. 500 pesos. Thats like one balcony1 ticket to a CCP concert. I want to do something to help alleviate poverty here but I feel so helpless.
I've never really thought about leaving the country until now. I've always believed that I should give back to my country by serving its people. I still want to stay but somehow, I feel like I am paralyzed. I know there are opportunities for me in the Philippines but I know there are a lot better abroad. Why would I work my ass off to earn when I could earn twice as much with less effort in other places? I don't know, I haven't really thought about the pros and cons for myself, my family, my future and the bigger picture - my nation. What I'm thinking now is, maybe the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence and its about time we put down the barrier. Maybe brain-drain our country should happen first in order to brain-gain.
Is there really hope for our country? When will poverty end? Will the government ever gain the trust of its people? When will corruption end? Do politicians even know they're corrupt?? Who will solve the problem if not the government? What can we do? What can I do?
I'm tired of watching local television where they make entertainment out of real life suffering and poverty and then profit from it. Its just so sad. Its like feeding on corpse.
Will our country ever have the chance to be happy?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Place to Be
Last December, I had the privilege of watching an extremely amazing Japanese jazz pianist. Her name is Hiromi Uehara. For those who have not watched her or heard of her, even if you're not a fan of jazz, I am 100 percent certain you will find her extraordinarily phenomenal. Her performance was so remarkable that a standing ovation, unrestrained applause and shouts of "encore!" were not enough to show how appreciative I was for sharing such beauty, passion and inspiration. After minutes of raining applause and several yells of "more!!!", she gave in to the demand of the audience. Before she started her encore piece, she said something like this:
"Amazing. I'm so amazed that you know my music. I mean, I know that I'm in youtube and I've been everywhere but I never thought that it would reach you. I have been all over the world. I cannot even count or remember how many countries I've performed in. Because of that, I sometimes feel lost, lonely and I miss home. But then when I play my music here, for audiences like you, I realize, where ever I am, as long as I'm up here and I play my music for people like you, I know that is the place to be. My next song is inspired by that realization. This is "Place to Be".
I could tell she was overwhelmed with so much gratitude and emotions because it felt like she was going to cry. She did, after she played.
After the concert, with so much high and inspiration, my friend, Kriska, and I were discussing how amazing Hiromi was and how in the world did she come to be as good as she was.
"Grabe ang galing talaga noh? Paano niya kaya nagawa yon?", I wondered.
"Oo nga! Nasa kanya na ang lahat! Technique, talent, puso, musicality! Lahat na!", Kriska exclaimed with a fury of envy and admiration.
"Hindi lang, pati intellect nasa kanya! Ang hirap gumawa ng ganun ka complicated na music! Hay.", I sighed, knowing I would never be able to be half as good as her. Not in a million years.
"Talagang para sa kanya yun."
"Yeah. She was really born to do that.", I remarked with resignation.
Hiromi is one lucky woman. Not only because she's extremely talented but because she knows her place in this world. Most people live their lives not knowing where they belong. Some may actually have an idea but are too afraid of risk and eventually resign to the calculated instructions of society on how to be successful and fulfilled. Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Indeed.
I do not want to be most men. I want to be most women. Hehe joke! Seriously, it is really frustrating to not know where you belong. I know the feeling. I know how it is not knowing what you really want to do and only knowing that this (whatever you're doing be it a job or course or a decision) is not "it" that you're looking for. How does one know that it isn't for you? Simple. You just know it. Most people know what I'm talking about.
Oprah, in one of her shows about finding your true calling, told her experience of how she came to become this celebrated tv talkshow host. At 19, she became a radio reporter at a radio station in Nashville and was offered promotions in the media but she said, deep down, she knew it wasn't for her, despite her skyrocketing career as a reporter.
In 1976, she moved to Baltimore and hosted a show called, "People are Talking". The show was a hit and proved to have top ratings which lasted for eight years. She was recruited to another TV station to host her own morning show. In 1986, "The Oprah Winfrey Show" was born and the rest is history.
Oprah said she just knew that hosting was for her. You just feel and know it. Like everything in the universe is in its right place.
If you feel a certain dissonance in you, chances are, its not for you. Although practicality says pursue it, you know deep down that it won't make you happy. (parang love? hehe) I have always felt much dissonance with the course I finished. I cried almost every sem before finals because apart from all the nerves and normal stress every piano major goes through, I did not like what I was doing. I knew I was heading towards a wrong direction. So why did I continue with it? I was already there so might as well endure and finish it and get my college degree. I gave in to practicality because I believe there should be a balance of between pragmatism and idealism. Too much of one thing can end in a downward spiral.
I do not regret the decisions I've made but if asked if I would do its all over again? Probably not. After my graduation, I felt like I exhaled all the tension and distress I've been holding for a long time. I felt like an enormous thorn was pulled out from my heart. Everything seemed to be gradually falling into place. One can not imagine how relieving and liberating it was for me.
During the 2 months after graduation, I contemplated on what I should do next. I had a couple of gigs now and then but I knew I couldn't rely solely on occasional harangs. I want a stable source of income and at the same time, I want a job that fits with my personality, passion and principles (at least thats the ideal scenario, like for everyone else. hehe). In my case, its not really not knowing what I want but its wanting so much. I have alot of dreams. I sometimes find myself lost in them, I'm clueless about where to begin. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon. The universe and God seems to be in my favor lately.
A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to sit-in in one of the rehearsals of a choir which, since as a young girl, I have always been a great fan of. To be friends with such talented artists was already such a pleasure as I really admired them. But to be invited and welcomed in the group was, for me, such a great honor to say the least. Though I have been restraining to show them my gratitude and enthusiasm as I might look like a foolish groupie, it doesn't mean I feel any less gratified. I know its kind of late but I'll say it anyway for the record, thank you Sir Mark Carpio! :)
Rehearsals so far have been such an enriching and rejuvinating treat every time. I know I have much to learn and this entails an outrageous sum of commitment and conscientiousness, but without a doubt I am in this 100 percent, through fire and through ice. While singing some pieces during our rehearsal today, I understood exactly what Oprah and Hiromi felt. For the first time in a long time, I feel like this is the right place to be at this moment. And may I add, I world is looking good from where I stand.
Here is Hiromi Uehara's "Place to Be". Enjoy!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Whats In a Name?
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet..."
I recall the famous words of Shakespeare's Juliet when I think about names. In this particular scene where these lines were spoken, Juliet was arguing that an object's essence will remain unaltered regardless whatever name it owns. Why bother giving much importance to names? Does it matter if one is a Montague or a Capulet? After all, they're just names. We will still be who we are whatever name we bear. Like, if I were a Rowena or a Michelle or a Katrina or an Anna, I would still be, with all the same physical characteristics and personality, me, right? Hmm. Perhaps. I wouldn't know since all my life I've been a Maria Celedonia and I don't know if I'd be any different if I owned another name. All I know is I could not think of any other name that would fit me most perfectly but the one given to me by my parents. Would I still be Cel if my name was Jennifer? This got me thinking, do we define our own names, or do our names define us? More so, are names really important and how does it impact our being?
How important are names? Well to begin with,its just first thing we ask for when we meet someone for the first time. It is the first thing we ask when we want to get somewhere. And like Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria, Edward and Bella (yeees... makabago na ako!), it is what we first desire to discover when we fall in love. Is a name simply a word or set of words to refer to us or is it more than that? If names were only as simple as that, the tragic story of Romeo and Juliet would have ended up on the comedy section of the national bookstore.
Social science studies have shown that our given names at birth bear substantial psychological weight. We live up to the names we were baptized in. We, unconscious or unconsciously, try to embody the meaning of our names. It plays a significant role in defining who we are. In fact, names are the very first thing that define our identity the moment we see light in this world. It identifies our gender and our family background and ancestry. It says a lot about our parents and what they value. Names such as Pristine, Prudence, Chastity, Faith define values our parents give importance. John, Mary, Matthew, Luke, Christian, Mark, Isaac indicate religious background. Some names are linked our own culture and nativeland such as Johann Gebrauchsten, Margaux Delavoir, Abu bin Jabbar, Chi Feng Feng, Hamin Cho, Ricipriano Jose Silang, Yokoshina Matsuura. Sometimes, it may even indicate what decade you were born in. Like during the time of martial law and the assassination of Ninoy Aquino in 1983, people named their children Benigno, after Benigno Aquino. I know because my kuya is one of the many Benigno's in his age group. I do not know if he plans to live up to the name, though. Kinda hard to die for your country, you know. Hehe.
My whole first name is Ma. Celedonia. "Ma." means Maria. I've always find it kind of annoying when people would only say "Ma" and not the whole name because they don't understand that its an abbreviation. In my first grade class back in Singapore, during our roll call, my teacher,Mrs. Yong, always pronounced my name "Ma Ce...*some mumbles* Frengko"
"My name is Maria Celedonia Franco, lao shi (teacher)"
"Is there another name I can call you?", she asked.
"Maricel", I replied.
"Ok, Marissa!"
Gah. So annoying lah.
I used to be called Maria as a baby but my dad changed it to Maricel. Why did he have to change it? Look at what I've become now - a drama queen! Had they retained Maria, I would probably emulate the qualities of Mother Mary(weh!). I shortened my nickname to Cel in highschool because my cousin told me Maricel sounded like a maids name. I'm not discriminating, ok. I just don't think anyone would ever dream of becoming one if there were an array of better possibilities.
As for name Celedonia, I got it from my great grand mother, impong Celedonia. There are only 2 living people I know who have the same name. One is my cousin, Ate Bunny, whose real name is Vanessa Celedonia; and the other is my Tita Fe, who's also known as Fe Celedonia. It comes to no surprise we share a lot of similar characteristics with our ancestral mother, Celedonia Torres Reyes. (well perhaps it may also come from the bloodline and genes). The three of us are dominant women, outspoken, temperamental, matatapang and both my cousin and aunt are very successful in their own professions - just like my great grand mother (I have yet to be successful in mine! Wah! Im so pressured!!!). Impo was a landlord or what you call a haciendera who lived in the time of Spanish, Japanese and American regime and lived to see the terror of World War II. It would be an understatement to say she was a brave and strong woman. She was orphaned at an early age, started out extremely poor, earned money on her own by selling simple food, then her business grew through time and then eventually acquired hectars and hectars of land, which I'm pretty sure is larger than Mufasa's savannah. She raised 9 children, one of which was my grandmother, Mamang, who was even able to take Pharmacy as a college degree (mind you, women did not go to college during those days) and my grandmother was able to raise 7 beautiful, loving children and the most saintly of them all is my mother (no I'm not biased, its true!). My grandmother was actually the one who insisted that I be named after her mother, Celedonia. My mom was supposed to name me, Rowena! Thank goodness my lola intervened!
I love my name. Its sounds rhythmic, melodic and easy to remember. Above all, its unique. No one else I know (outside my family that is) owns this name. I guess thats where my extra-drive to be different comes from. When most people chose MEco, I chose music. When most people graduate after 4 years in college, I graduate after 5 and a half years (hehe). Joke. I wish I acquired more of the values and characteristics of Impo though, like being very determined, disciplined, hardworking, God-fearing, courageous and rich. Scrap the last one, hindi pala siya value. But its something I definitely value and would really love to acquire from scratch. hehe.
Ok, I think I'm rambling. Lets shift back to names. What inspired me to write this entry actually was my desire to find out the meaning of my name by googling "Celedonia name meaning". I found out the name is actually a German for Celidonia - a variant term for celandines. Im like, wth's celandines? I searched it and what came out was the flowers that greeted you at the top of this blogpage. Amazing. All this time, I didn't know. I feel a new sense of self identity. I feel so cheery, sunny and blooming! yun oh!! :))
I really do believe we live up to our own names. Thats why it is no surprise that parents choose the names of their children with great caution and consideration. Some people have to live their whole lives loathing their names and blame their parents for it. Some people change their own names just because they feel it doesn't fit them, like gays and transgenders. Some change because they want to become someone else and start anew.
With our country rooted from the name of a Spanish king who stole our land and human dignity, I wonder if there is anything to live up to other than colonial mentality, poverty, injustice, corruption and oppression. PNoy, how about considering changing our country's name, yes? That would probably be a good idea. Its far-fetched and many would disagree, but who knows, maybe a new patriotic name would help to start a new identity for our country.
By any other name would smell as sweet..."
I recall the famous words of Shakespeare's Juliet when I think about names. In this particular scene where these lines were spoken, Juliet was arguing that an object's essence will remain unaltered regardless whatever name it owns. Why bother giving much importance to names? Does it matter if one is a Montague or a Capulet? After all, they're just names. We will still be who we are whatever name we bear. Like, if I were a Rowena or a Michelle or a Katrina or an Anna, I would still be, with all the same physical characteristics and personality, me, right? Hmm. Perhaps. I wouldn't know since all my life I've been a Maria Celedonia and I don't know if I'd be any different if I owned another name. All I know is I could not think of any other name that would fit me most perfectly but the one given to me by my parents. Would I still be Cel if my name was Jennifer? This got me thinking, do we define our own names, or do our names define us? More so, are names really important and how does it impact our being?
How important are names? Well to begin with,its just first thing we ask for when we meet someone for the first time. It is the first thing we ask when we want to get somewhere. And like Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria, Edward and Bella (yeees... makabago na ako!), it is what we first desire to discover when we fall in love. Is a name simply a word or set of words to refer to us or is it more than that? If names were only as simple as that, the tragic story of Romeo and Juliet would have ended up on the comedy section of the national bookstore.
Social science studies have shown that our given names at birth bear substantial psychological weight. We live up to the names we were baptized in. We, unconscious or unconsciously, try to embody the meaning of our names. It plays a significant role in defining who we are. In fact, names are the very first thing that define our identity the moment we see light in this world. It identifies our gender and our family background and ancestry. It says a lot about our parents and what they value. Names such as Pristine, Prudence, Chastity, Faith define values our parents give importance. John, Mary, Matthew, Luke, Christian, Mark, Isaac indicate religious background. Some names are linked our own culture and nativeland such as Johann Gebrauchsten, Margaux Delavoir, Abu bin Jabbar, Chi Feng Feng, Hamin Cho, Ricipriano Jose Silang, Yokoshina Matsuura. Sometimes, it may even indicate what decade you were born in. Like during the time of martial law and the assassination of Ninoy Aquino in 1983, people named their children Benigno, after Benigno Aquino. I know because my kuya is one of the many Benigno's in his age group. I do not know if he plans to live up to the name, though. Kinda hard to die for your country, you know. Hehe.
My whole first name is Ma. Celedonia. "Ma." means Maria. I've always find it kind of annoying when people would only say "Ma" and not the whole name because they don't understand that its an abbreviation. In my first grade class back in Singapore, during our roll call, my teacher,Mrs. Yong, always pronounced my name "Ma Ce...*some mumbles* Frengko"
"My name is Maria Celedonia Franco, lao shi (teacher)"
"Is there another name I can call you?", she asked.
"Maricel", I replied.
"Ok, Marissa!"
Gah. So annoying lah.
I used to be called Maria as a baby but my dad changed it to Maricel. Why did he have to change it? Look at what I've become now - a drama queen! Had they retained Maria, I would probably emulate the qualities of Mother Mary(weh!). I shortened my nickname to Cel in highschool because my cousin told me Maricel sounded like a maids name. I'm not discriminating, ok. I just don't think anyone would ever dream of becoming one if there were an array of better possibilities.
As for name Celedonia, I got it from my great grand mother, impong Celedonia. There are only 2 living people I know who have the same name. One is my cousin, Ate Bunny, whose real name is Vanessa Celedonia; and the other is my Tita Fe, who's also known as Fe Celedonia. It comes to no surprise we share a lot of similar characteristics with our ancestral mother, Celedonia Torres Reyes. (well perhaps it may also come from the bloodline and genes). The three of us are dominant women, outspoken, temperamental, matatapang and both my cousin and aunt are very successful in their own professions - just like my great grand mother (I have yet to be successful in mine! Wah! Im so pressured!!!). Impo was a landlord or what you call a haciendera who lived in the time of Spanish, Japanese and American regime and lived to see the terror of World War II. It would be an understatement to say she was a brave and strong woman. She was orphaned at an early age, started out extremely poor, earned money on her own by selling simple food, then her business grew through time and then eventually acquired hectars and hectars of land, which I'm pretty sure is larger than Mufasa's savannah. She raised 9 children, one of which was my grandmother, Mamang, who was even able to take Pharmacy as a college degree (mind you, women did not go to college during those days) and my grandmother was able to raise 7 beautiful, loving children and the most saintly of them all is my mother (no I'm not biased, its true!). My grandmother was actually the one who insisted that I be named after her mother, Celedonia. My mom was supposed to name me, Rowena! Thank goodness my lola intervened!
I love my name. Its sounds rhythmic, melodic and easy to remember. Above all, its unique. No one else I know (outside my family that is) owns this name. I guess thats where my extra-drive to be different comes from. When most people chose MEco, I chose music. When most people graduate after 4 years in college, I graduate after 5 and a half years (hehe). Joke. I wish I acquired more of the values and characteristics of Impo though, like being very determined, disciplined, hardworking, God-fearing, courageous and rich. Scrap the last one, hindi pala siya value. But its something I definitely value and would really love to acquire from scratch. hehe.
Ok, I think I'm rambling. Lets shift back to names. What inspired me to write this entry actually was my desire to find out the meaning of my name by googling "Celedonia name meaning". I found out the name is actually a German for Celidonia - a variant term for celandines. Im like, wth's celandines? I searched it and what came out was the flowers that greeted you at the top of this blogpage. Amazing. All this time, I didn't know. I feel a new sense of self identity. I feel so cheery, sunny and blooming! yun oh!! :))
I really do believe we live up to our own names. Thats why it is no surprise that parents choose the names of their children with great caution and consideration. Some people have to live their whole lives loathing their names and blame their parents for it. Some people change their own names just because they feel it doesn't fit them, like gays and transgenders. Some change because they want to become someone else and start anew.
With our country rooted from the name of a Spanish king who stole our land and human dignity, I wonder if there is anything to live up to other than colonial mentality, poverty, injustice, corruption and oppression. PNoy, how about considering changing our country's name, yes? That would probably be a good idea. Its far-fetched and many would disagree, but who knows, maybe a new patriotic name would help to start a new identity for our country.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)