Place to Be

Last December, I had the privilege of watching an extremely amazing Japanese jazz pianist. Her name is Hiromi Uehara. For those who have not watched her or heard of her, even if you're not a fan of jazz, I am 100 percent certain you will find her extraordinarily phenomenal. Her performance was so remarkable that a standing ovation, unrestrained applause and shouts of "encore!" were not enough to show how appreciative I was for sharing such beauty, passion and inspiration. After minutes of raining applause and several yells of "more!!!", she gave in to the demand of the audience. Before she started her encore piece,  she said something like this:

"Amazing. I'm so amazed that you know my music. I mean, I know that I'm in youtube and I've been everywhere but I never thought that it would reach you. I have been all over the world. I cannot even count or remember how many countries I've performed in. Because of that, I sometimes feel lost, lonely and I miss home. But then when I play my music here, for audiences like you, I realize, where ever I am, as long as I'm up here and I play my music for people like you, I know that is the place to be. My next song is inspired by that realization. This is "Place to Be".

I could tell she was overwhelmed with so much gratitude and emotions because it felt like she was going to cry. She did, after she played.

After the concert, with so much high and inspiration, my friend, Kriska, and I were discussing how amazing Hiromi was and how in the world did she come to be as good as she was.

"Grabe ang galing talaga noh? Paano niya kaya nagawa yon?", I wondered.

"Oo nga! Nasa kanya na ang lahat! Technique, talent, puso, musicality! Lahat na!", Kriska exclaimed with a fury of envy and admiration.

"Hindi lang, pati intellect nasa kanya! Ang hirap gumawa ng ganun ka complicated na music! Hay.", I sighed, knowing I would never be able to be half as good as her. Not in a million years.

"Talagang para sa kanya yun."

"Yeah. She was really born to do that.", I remarked with resignation.

Hiromi is one lucky woman. Not only because she's extremely talented but because she knows her place in this world. Most people live their lives not knowing where they belong. Some may actually have an idea but are too afraid of risk and eventually resign to the calculated instructions of society on how to be successful and fulfilled. Henry David Thoreau once wrote, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Indeed.

I do not want to be most men. I want to be most women. Hehe joke! Seriously, it is really frustrating to not know where you belong. I know the feeling. I know how it is not knowing what you really want to do and only knowing that this (whatever you're doing be it a job or course or a decision) is not "it" that you're looking for. How does one know that it isn't for you? Simple. You just know it. Most people know what I'm talking about.

Oprah, in one of her shows about finding your true calling, told her experience of how she came to become this celebrated tv talkshow host. At 19, she became a radio reporter at a radio station in Nashville and was offered promotions in the media but she said, deep down, she knew it wasn't for her, despite her skyrocketing career as a reporter.

In 1976, she moved to Baltimore and hosted a show called, "People are Talking". The show was a hit and proved to have top ratings which lasted for eight years. She was recruited to another TV station to host her own morning show. In 1986, "The Oprah Winfrey Show" was born and the rest is history.

Oprah said she just knew that hosting was for her. You just feel and know it. Like everything in the universe is in its right place.

If you feel a certain dissonance in you, chances are, its not for you. Although practicality says pursue it, you know deep down that it won't make you happy. (parang love? hehe) I have always felt much dissonance with the course I finished. I cried almost every sem before finals because apart from all the nerves and normal stress every piano major goes through, I did not like what I was doing. I knew I was heading towards a wrong direction. So why did I continue with it? I was already there so might as well endure and finish it and get my college degree. I gave in to practicality because I believe there should be a balance of between pragmatism and idealism. Too much of one thing can end in a downward spiral.

I do not regret the decisions I've made but if asked if I would do its all over again? Probably not. After my graduation, I felt like I exhaled all the tension and distress I've been holding for a long time. I felt like an enormous thorn was pulled out from my heart. Everything seemed to be gradually falling into place. One can not imagine how relieving and liberating it was for me.

During the 2 months after graduation, I contemplated on what I should do next. I had a couple of gigs now and then but I knew I couldn't rely solely on occasional harangs. I want a stable source of income and at the same time, I want a job that fits with my personality, passion and principles (at least thats the ideal scenario, like for everyone else. hehe). In my case, its not really not knowing what I want but its wanting so much. I have alot of dreams. I sometimes find myself lost in them, I'm clueless about where to begin. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon. The universe and God seems to be in my favor lately.

A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to sit-in in one of the rehearsals of a choir which, since as a young girl, I have always been a great fan of. To be friends with such talented artists was already such a pleasure as I really admired them. But to be invited and welcomed in the group was, for me, such a great honor to say the least. Though I have been restraining to show them my gratitude and enthusiasm as I might look like a foolish groupie, it doesn't mean I feel any less gratified. I  know its kind of late but I'll say it anyway for the record, thank you Sir Mark Carpio! :)

Rehearsals so far have been such an enriching and rejuvinating treat every time. I know I have much to learn and this entails an outrageous sum of commitment and conscientiousness, but without a doubt I am in this 100 percent, through fire and through ice. While singing some pieces during our rehearsal today, I understood exactly what Oprah and Hiromi felt. For the first time in a long time, I feel like this is the right place to be at this moment. And may I add, I world is looking good from where I stand.

Here is Hiromi Uehara's "Place to Be". Enjoy!