Empty

For these past few months, even more so these past few recent weeks, ive been feeling so empty. Life seems to make no sense at all. You live, you give, you die. And the cycle goes on for those after you until probably the world ends. I feel like we're machines designed to make sense of everything, but the truth is, at least for me, we're just as insignificant as chemicals reacting to each other. Its also recently that I've thought about not having kids ever. I told this to my close friends and all of them seemed surprised that those words came out from me, being the kid lover that I am. I know its a weird perspective but I think that thats actually a loving thing to do. To not have kidsmeans I will spare them from suffering and emptiness. Imagine, they all would have to go through that same misery and hardship every human being goes through. I look at my nephews and nieces and all I see is the pain they will go through and the balancing act they have to maintain most of their lives in order to live a 'normal', 'happy' life. They'll live most of their lives trying to understand why, what they should do, what shouldve been, what should be, how to deal and cope with life. And in the end they die, like all of us will.

Its ironic though, as empty as I might feel, and even after surrendering to that emptiness, I've been crying more frequently nowadays when I watch movies I wouldn't normally cry over before. I wonder why. Its like I either feel too much or nothing at all. How come I am touched by movies and yet life itself does not seem to have a moving effect on me? Maybe I'm not as empty as I thought I was.

Here I go again analyzing too much.